Episode 12: Somatic Cycle Coaching & Working With Grief
Content Warning: This episode contains discussion of grief, PTSD, and mentions of violence.
How do you move in your playful inner spring or when embodying the wise Crone archetype at menstruation? We're inspired by the creative ways our alumni integrate cycle awareness into their work, and in today's podcast episode, you'll hear from Dayna Wilson — a massage therapist, pole dance teacher, and Cycle Coach School graduate — about the healing power of movement and menstrual cycle awareness, and the unique "Embody Your Cycle" pole dancing classes she's teaching in London. She also offers massage specifically for the luteal or menstrual phase of your cycle to leaving you feeling balanced and rested.
Together, Lauren and Dayna dive into the ways pole dancing, massage, and cycle awareness intersect, and how each has played a role in Dayna’s healing journey. They talk about how practicing and teaching pole has been a powerful tool for reconnecting with the body and reclaiming sensuality, and how Dayna now supports others in doing the same—especially during the luteal and menstrual phases. She also shares how grief has shaped her trauma-informed approach, and how she creates safe spaces for clients through softness and somatic support.
If you're curious about what it looks like to bring menstrual cycle awareness into embodied movement, to lead from lived experience, and to build an intimate, slow-growing business rooted in healing and care this episode is for you. Click play to hear Dayna’s story and discover how somatic cycle coaching can support both personal transformation and powerful client work.
Resources and Links:
About Dayna Wilson:
Dayna is a trauma-informed Menstrual Cycle Coach and bodyworker who is passionate about helping people reconnect with their bodies as sources of joy and release. Her work is rooted in menstruality, embodied healing, and a deep commitment to holding space for others. With a background in massage and pole dancing, Dayna brings a playful, intuitive approach to supporting clients through the challenges of modern life.
Instagram:@softnflo
Website: www.softnflo.com
Embody The Cycle Workshops: learn more
Book mentioned: ‘Women Who Run With The Wolves’ by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Stay connected:
Cycle Coach School Website: www.cyclecoachtraining.com
Cycle Coach Instagram: @cyclecoachschool
Claire's Instagram: @_clairebaker_
Claire's Website: www.clairebaker.com
Lauren's Instagram: @laurenoliviahughes
Lauren's Website: www.findingjulian.com
Dayna (00:00)
And for me, the way that I pole dance and the way that I pole train, it's sort of become second nature now to apply everything I've learned cyclically to my training. And I just find that the knowledge is so rich and it's just so useful to me to know where I am in my cycle, to know what different energies and how they like show up for me whilst I'm in the studio.
Claire Baker (00:23)
Welcome to the Cycle Coach Show.
Lauren Olivia Hughes (00:28)
Empowering Conversations on Menstrual Cycle Coaching.
Claire Baker (00:32)
We're your hosts, Claire Baker.
Lauren Olivia Hughes (00:36)
Olivia Hughes.
Claire (00:38)
Hello dear listener, you have got Claire here kicking off the introduction to today's episode. And before we get into it, I just want to start with a really heartfelt thank you from me to you, because this project means a great deal to me, honestly. It feels awesome for Lauren and I to be having these conversations about the wonders of menstrual cycle coaching and I understand that this is a pretty niche industry. And so the fact that you're here listening and engaging with us and with the practitioners that we're speaking to. Yeah, it just makes me feel hopeful and inspired. So thank you so much for being here, whether you're out walking or you're driving the car or pottering about the house. We're just really glad to have you with us. So big love. First up.
Today's episode is a beautiful conversation between Lauren and one of our alumni, Dayna Wilson. I just finished listening to it myself and wow, it really, yeah, it really moved me, this conversation, actually. Dayna shares so openly here about her encounters with grief in her life and how those experiences have shaped work that she does today. And Dayna works as a somatic practitioner. She's a massage therapist, a pole dancing teacher, and a certified menstrual cycle coach through us here at Cycle Coach School.
And I've spent some time in person with Dayna before. I'm grateful for that. A couple of times at two of our London get togethers over the years. And I've always been really drawn to Dayna's very calm, and peaceful presence. She is somebody who is likely not going to be the loudest person in the space, but when she speaks, people really pay attention to what she's saying. There is a wisdom about Dayna and also like a vibrancy and a playfulness to her that I think, yeah, you'll hear today in this conversation.
It was really refreshing and grounding to hear Dayna speak with such tenderness and also with realness. And I think that many of us who work in the healing arts can relate to what she shares in this conversation. Dayna speaks about a personal tragedy in her life that led her to the work she's doing today. And this is the case for many of us. It might be a personal challenge, a loss, a struggle or life shift that sparks our own healing journey and leads us on this path. And after some time, once we've been working with new practices and healing and transforming from that place, we notice the desire to go out and support others.
What really matters and what makes all the difference about the effectiveness of, you know, how effective we can be as practitioners is, you know, whether we're doing that from an embodied and rooted place or not. Not from a perfectly healed place, but from a place where we truly can hold space for other people to be in their process as well. And Dayna speaks to this so beautifully. So you're going to hear about the super creative way that Dayna brings all of these different practices together, the massage, the pole dancing, the menstrual cycle awareness. And I mean, like it's brilliant. Just imagine this, right?
You're in your luteal phase, which is where I am right now. I'm on cycle day 25 and you're feeling that tenderness, right? That pull to rest and you walk into a space where a massage therapist who is trained in both cycle awareness and it's trauma informed. So beautiful nervous system support offers you a session designed just for that moment in your cycle. And this is what Dayna offers her community deeply intuitive luteal phase massages in London. There's also her pole dancing classes where her participants explore the inner feminine archetypes of the menstrual cycle, which sounds so much fun to me, moving with these energies, expressing them through the body as a way to get to know our cycle.
It reminds me of the Adore Your Cycle workshops that I taught number of years ago now, where I'd guide people through a 20 minute journey of the cycle using a different song to evoke each phase. So we'd have a slow, soft menstruation song to a more playful, pre-ovulatory song, right up to the full sensual expression of ovulation and then the dark grungy tracks for the pre-menstruation and Dayna offers these in person, these pole dancing classes to allow you to fully experience the full spectrum of what it means to have a menstrual cycle and be in a female body. So her work is such a rich reminder, I think, of how creative this work can be. you know, the sky really is the limit for how we can combine different modalities with this work. So often people who are drawn to the training are multi-passionate people, people who have done a number of different courses and modes of study. And a question I often hear is, you know, how do I weave all of these together?
And that answer is such a personal one. And I hope that you gain some inspiration from hearing how Dayna has, has done that because this work does ripple out into how we move, how we play, how we relate to ourselves and to others. And, you know, especially in how we access parts of ourselves that we haven't touched in a really long time. I'll leave you to listen now. Go into this one gently with softness and a tender heart. And just to note, this episode includes a mention of mentions of violence. So please take care as you listen. And if this doesn't feel like the right content for you today, then press pause and you can come back another time.
Enjoy.
Claire (06:20)
Before we dive into today's episode, I just want to let you know that enrolments for Cycle Coach School for 2025 are now officially open. This will be our seventh year running the training and it's for anyone feeling the call to guide, educate or support others through menstrual cycle awareness. The course begins on Tuesday, June the 24th of 2025 and spots always feel quickly. Since 2019, we've trained over 200 facilitators in 27 countries. And so if you would like to join us, you can see the full syllabus and apply at cyclecoachtraining.com. We would love to have you in the circle this year.
Lauren (07:00)
Today on the podcast. I am joined by Dayna Wilson. She is Soft and Flow on Instagram. She is a trained massage therapist, a pole dancer and teacher and a certified menstrual cycle coach from Cycle Coach School. Welcome to the podcast, Dayna.
Dayna (07:15)
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Very excited to be here.
Lauren (07:17)
Of course.
I can't wait to get into everything, but I'd love to start with a little cycle day check-in. So what cycle day are you and how's it feeling so far?
Dayna (07:26)
So I am on cycle day 11 today and I'm not feeling like I'm in cycle day 11. So that's around like my ovulation and coming up to like ovulation. But this is my fault because I've stacked so many things to do today and this week in general, which I think is quite common around this time. I'm feeling like a tad overwhelmed, but I'm...also really excited to be here as well. So I feel like good and energized about this, you know.
Lauren (07:52)
Hmm
Mm hmm. Yeah. And we will hopefully just like ease out of that overwhelmed feeling very quickly in our conversation. Yeah, for myself tomorrow, I'm 31 weeks. So in that third trimester feeling, definitely feeling like I also stacked a lot this weekend, I find there's like definitely a cycle that I'm going through of exhaustion and like growth spurts and all of that. And this new moon energy is just like kind of feeling quite dreamy and restful. So I need to lean into that a bit more. And so I feel like you're the perfect, perfect person to talk to about that embodied experience. Where did this whole journey with like a somatic business and this approach to the body as a whole in all the work that you do, where did that story begin for you?
Dayna (08:24)
Yeah.
I hope so.
I feel like we have to go all the way back, all the way back to the beginning. So I think for me, soft foam flow was born out of me trying to find ways in which to heal my own body. But that's something I've only been recently reflecting on and understanding because when I do look back and I do reflect.
Dayna (09:06)
I just realised that actually I think I was just searching for my own healing and my own survival. Because when I was young, quite young, I went through a really traumatic experience and ended up with PTSD. So I spent most of my 20s trying to survive that and not really understanding my own body and understanding what I needed to take care of myself.
Dayna (09:30)
But I think there was something subconscious going on where I was in search of that. So I started looking and I started off with massage. Massage therapy was, I think, like the beginning for me in terms of linking my mind and my body and trying to connect them again. They were disconnected.
Lauren (09:49)
Mm hmm. And was there someone in that journey? Oftentimes when we're looking for for answers within ourselves, whatever experiences we've kind of gone through, was there someone that caught your attention or kind of inspired you to like follow that path? Or was there a book or something that just kind of sparked a moment for you?
Dayna (10:07)
I don't think that was a book.
I'm am I allowed to say me? Am I allowed to say myself? I think I just woke up one day and I was like, something needs to change, you know? And I was like, I need to, like, something needs to shift. And like off the top of my head, I can't really remember, but I did start therapy. I started EMDR trauma therapy.
Lauren (10:13)
Yeah. Yeah. Of course.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Dayna (10:36)
And I think through spending that time with my therapist and being with her, I was like starting to understand myself better and like realize that perhaps I, yeah, I definitely needed to make a shift.
Lauren (10:48)
I love those internal sparks like when you wake up and it's just like that clarity moment of like, okay, this is what actually needs to happen, that internal shift. And so yeah, you can always say that you are the reason. I have my own inspiration.
Dayna (10:55)
Yeah, it felt like that, like it was me. But it really was. think I actually remember waking, I remember the moment where I was like, okay, now something has to change. I can't continue down this path. Yeah, I need support. need my own support. And I think that's when I, yeah, I started therapy and then through my therapeutic practice, I then found massage and hold and MCA.
Lauren (11:03)
hahaha
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I mean, it's such a beautiful tapestry that you've collected of like that massage therapy element as well as the pole dancing with that like umbrella of MCA. How did that vision come to be? Like at what point were you, like you started your massage therapy and then was it pole and then MCA and then you're like, wait, this is all connected or where was that web?
Dayna (11:45)
So I started the massage therapy first and I, yeah, I done my training. I love the training and was practicing as a massage therapist. And then I went through like a life, a big life shift. And I moved from, was living in North London and I moved from North to South London. And in South London, I realized as a pole student that I've been looking at and had my eye on for a long time, but because I was living.
In North, was like almost two hours away. I couldn't make it to that particular studio. So then I found myself in South London and it was just the timing was perfect. It was like I just come out of a long term relationship. had time, like so much time on my hands and I really didn't know who I was and it was a way for me to find myself again. So I started pole dancing and I fell in love with it. And I think again, it
Lauren (12:28)
Mm-hmm.
Dayna (12:36)
It really connected me to my body in a way that I hadn't experienced before. think through massage and training as a massage therapist, I was learning about the body, but I wasn't learning about my own body and its capabilities and what it was able to do. So through pole, I learned more about myself. And then, so I was pole dancing for a few years before the pandemic.
Lauren (12:48)
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Dayna (13:02)
hit. And then during the pandemic, I started learning and reading about menstrual cycle awareness. And that's where, yeah, that was like the final puzzle piece. But I think even then I didn't think about bringing and combining everything together. I think I was really focused on coaching and becoming a coach and how that would look. So it took a few years for me to fully really understand what it was I wanted to do with menstrual cycle awareness. And I still feel like I'm it shifts and it changes. But I think now I've started to bring the massage and the pole together under the umbrella of cycle awareness.
Lauren (13:40)
Hmm. And what a gift for for women everywhere, right? And it's that that blending of understanding our bodies. But from that cyclical perspective, it's just so yummy. And to have it in a format where it's like massage therapy. So it's very like you're receiving that gift from you. And then also from like pole which typically is seen as like very performative or extroverted, I suppose.
Dayna (13:59)
Yeah.
Lauren (14:07)
I mean, my experience has been very introverted. I haven't done an actual pole before, but I've done like the S-factor dancing like during the pandemic. And it was like very similar to like a post-breakup, like, I just need to like be in my body and to learn how to like do like a chair dance. And it was just like so empowering. Like I was so impressed with like how, yeah, how like that sensuality, that sexuality could feel like a fire within me versus like, yeah, kind of what you saw growing up of like what pole dancing could be, which is like very like for men, for the male gaze. ⁓ What was your journey with that? Like, was there like a surprise for you in that as well? Or was it just, I want to be doing this and this feels right.
Dayna (14:40)
Yeah.
So for me with pole, I've always, no not always sorry, I remember being quite young in my teens and watching pole dancers on YouTube and I just loved it. I was like really inspired by them, impressed by them. But back then I was still held back because of the fear around being associated with pole dancers.
Lauren (14:54)
Mm-hmm.
Dayna (15:12)
pole dance, sorry, because of the roots of pole dance. So the roots of pole dance comes from stripping. And there's like a stigma in society around stripping. So back then I was too scared to become a pole dancer. So by the time I'd gone through my breakup, etc, I was I was 30 when I started pole. So by that point, I'd learned so much more about myself and just, I guess, like, I just understood.
That stripping is okay. know, like it's like the stigma around it. It's like I unpack that within myself. And I was like, okay, I feel ready now. Like I feel like I can walk into a pole studio. And I understand that.
Yeah, like the stigma to me is like, it's fine. So I think I got to a point where I started to, I'm able to sort of celebrate that now. I can celebrate the roots of pole and where they come from. And I don't feel any shame around being associated to pole dancers, sorry, to strippers. don't, if anything, it's like I advocate for them. I support them fully and sort of share.
Yeah, just like share more about them. And so my journey with pole now is I it's more of like a celebration. You know, it's like I celebrate my own sensuality and I've learned so much more about my own sensuality. The way that I look, I think even before pole dancing, didn't I didn't really like this sounds crazy, but I didn't really look at look at myself in the in way that I do when I'm in a pole studio, you know, when I'm in the pole studio.
It's just like you're surrounded by mirrors, you're constantly looking at your body, not really wearing many clothes. And I see, I fully see myself. So I had to, I had to really get used to that as well. And I think when I started pole there were so many, I had so many like limited beliefs about myself and my abilities and what we could do and what I was capable of because I was 30 as well. So I told myself that I was too old. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't sexy enough.
And every time I'd go to the pole studio, these fears would come up and I just had to just continue working through them, continue working through them. And I'd say it took a few months before those voices like slowed down and quieted down. And yeah, for me now, like it's not about the male gaze. I don't think it ever was. It was just more about finding confidence, working out who I was, tapping into my own creativity, sensuality and...
Also getting out of my head and into my body because I was going through a breakup and it was just break up to horrible, weren't they? Really. So it was like, I just need some space in my mind and I think getting into my body is really important for me.
Lauren (17:33)
I think that's such a beautiful piece of pole dancing and what it's becoming or what it seems to be becoming. It's like such a reclamation of like womanhood and like our bodies. And of course, it's like not about the male gaze at all. I mean, depending on like, obviously, like for strippers, there is like that cash exchange. Love that for them. Get it. But for women like in doing it just for for exercise or just for like themselves.
Dayna (17:58)
Yeah.
Lauren (18:05)
there is that like big celebration of like you said, like looking in the mirror and seeing your body and like challenging it and like, I mean on your Instagram, the videos you post, I'm like, my God, wow, she's a fairy. She's just like fully stretched out on the pole. Like, wow, she's upside down. She's like doing all these amazing things. But it is so empowering. It is like such a beautiful reminder of like those pieces that we learned at like Cycle Coach School or just in MCA in general of like, the pieces that we're taught to like almost hide or be ashamed of by maybe our patriarchal society or whatever we want to call it. And it's just like, yeah, I just love how they're so like tied in together that like we can take back pole dancing. We can take back like wearing as little clothes as possible. And like it just being for us and like our like womb space and our blood and all these things. It's just, yeah, it's so magical.
Dayna (18:36)
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree.
Lauren (18:52)
I would love to hear more about your offering that I saw you sharing about the embody the Cycle where you connect pole dancing at MCA. How did that come to be and what is it?
Dayna (19:04)
So, Embody the Cycle is a workshop series and I release one workshop every season. So, well, I release one workshop every season, but I can do the workshop more than once, but it's the same workshop, if that makes sense, because I wanted to do them seasonally. they're based around...obviously the menstrual cycle and the seasons of each cycle. So at the moment we are in spring. So Embody the Cycle parts three is related to inner spring and the goal for this workshop and all of the Embody the Cycle workshops, the goal is to bring awareness to students, to pole students, because I live in a cyclical way now and I've been doing that since I trained at cycle coach school.
And for me, the way that I pole dance and the way that I pole train, it's sort of become second nature now to apply everything I've learned cyclically to my training. And I just find that the knowledge is so rich and it's just so useful to me to know where I am in my cycle, to know what different energies and how they like show up for me whilst I'm in the studio. I can recognise that within myself and in certain ways that I move.
In my rest and my recovery, and in just the way that I take care of myself when I pole dance and when I teach. And I just realized that this work is so vital. So I decided to create workshops to share the knowledge and that they're two hour workshops. So they're broken down into two parts.
So the first part, it's like the discussion part. So we sort of sit together and we...discuss the cycle this season, we look at the qualities of each season, and we just have like, it's a bit more of like an in-depth cycle, like 101, like conventional cycle 101. And it offers the students a space to discuss their cycles, because I feel like there just aren't many spaces to do that in general. And I take them through like the learnings, and we just have a bit of like a back and forth, and they can ask me questions, and they can learn more about this particular season.
And then we get onto the pole in the second half of the cycle and we work with an archetype because I feel like working with archetypes in the pole studio is really, it's a really good way to work with them and to connect with the cycle because like you said pole dancing is performative and whether you're a teacher, a student, a stripper, you can use the, you can use the archetypes, know, so.
Dayna (21:32)
Yeah, that's embodied the cycle and they have been received quite well. I feel like it is still quite niche. But I do have a small community that's slowly building and slowly growing. And for me, think starting off intimately makes a lot of sense with this work because it is intimate work within itself. And a lot of the students that come to the workshops, it's the first time they've
Lauren (21:38)
What's this? Yeah.
Dayna (21:56)
Explored cycle awareness. I think intimacy makes like an intimate group makes a lot of sense. But yeah, they're being received really well.
Lauren (22:02)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, and what are the comments or the reactions you're seeing amongst your students to this new approach to pole?
Dayna (22:13)
So the feedback I'm receiving is mainly around the fact that they don't have any idea about cycle awareness. So it's like the first time that they're hearing about cycle, anything cycle related. So it's mainly around, can I just go? I don't know if you remember when you first learned about cycle awareness, but for me, I was just like in awe of it.
And I was shocked. was quite shocking because I didn't know anything about this. And that's basically what the feedback is like. It's like, I didn't know this existed. I didn't know this is what was happening in my body every cycle. actually, I've had quite a few repeat students come back because I'm doing them seasonally. So I think they want to know more about each season. So yeah, I would say shock.
Lauren (22:37)
Good night.
Dayna (22:57)
Shock and awe, which is great, you know. But also they're able to apply it, you know, you can apply the knowledge to your pole practice. I'm one of my friends, so someone who came to my last workshop is a friend of mine as well, and they are constantly messaging me and they're just living more aligned already within their cycle. They're constantly messaging me and picking up on more things now.
Like amending their classes depending on their energy levels. And it's just really nice to witness actually.
Lauren (23:28)
And it's such a beautiful reminder too, in this work sometimes. I'm sure you find it, well maybe you're in like an echo chamber sometimes, like you know, passed alumni and friends and you're like, everyone's talking about this. And then you go to like the real world and you share this like cyclical magic and they're like, what are you talking about? And I do remember that like moment of realization of just being like, wait, does this explain my whole life and existence? Weird. Why isn't this common knowledge?
Dayna (23:36)
Yeah. And I think that's it. I am in such an echo chamber that I forget that I'm in an echo chamber as well, because I just talk so freely and openly about the cycle. And as a pole dance teacher, at the beginning of every class, I always ask, there anything you need to know, like how the energy levels? And if I'm bleeding or if I'm usually if I'm in my luteal phase or if I'm bleeding I will acknowledge it and I will just say because I want them to know that it's like a space where you can discuss you know you can discuss that and I think it's like cycle aware teachers and facilitators I think are important.
Lauren (24:31)
And then even beyond, like you said, even beyond this embodied, the cycle specific workshop, just like entering any space and being like, this is where I am and this is how my body's feeling. This is where I am cyclically. Especially when you are doing more like embodied practices, like pole dancing, that your body will perform differently depending where you are in the cycle. And it's not necessarily that you're gonna like sync your classes to it 100 % of the time.
But just being able to acknowledge that to be like, okay, like I'm bleeding. So I might, I don't know, I might not want to be upside down today or I might, if I am, it might not look as pretty as like when I'm ovulating because I just don't have the strength or the mental capacity to like hold and spin. I don't know. Does that feel like, does that resonate?
Dayna (24:59)
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, 100%. That's what that's what the work is about. And, but it's also about compassion, self compassion as well, because I think in studio spaces, I'm, I don't only pole dance, I don't know any other style of dancing, but I imagine in other like, studios and studios, but especially with dancing, there's, I think there's like a level of comparison with like, other people, but also yourself, because I often hear a lot of students say things like, I could do this last week, or I was able to perform this a couple of weeks ago, why can't I get this now?
Why? What's going on? I don't want to assume that everybody has like a cycle, so I don't say it in that moment. But I often think to myself, maybe it could be cycle related. So it's about bringing just like the aware, I think the awareness is like the key point. It's like once you are aware, you sort of understand that your body goes through these processes and that's like a starting point you know because you can learn so much more about your body and yourself.
Lauren (26:13)
It is such,
yeah, it is the foundation of everything. I think sometimes, I mean women, but everyone included. Like when you learn something new, you're like, and I'm gonna do it perfectly, and I'm gonna learn everything that I have to do, and it's gonna be like, boop, boop, boop, this is what I have to do every day to be cyclically aligned. And it's like, no, how can we just like awake, like wake in the morning and be aware of how we're feeling and how do we meet ourselves? And I used to dance, but I haven't recently, but.
I know even just going to the gym and like weightlifting, there are moments where you're like, why is the weight so light? Like, why am I feeling like, what? Or just like losing count of like where you are, what workout you're doing. And you're like, where am I? It's like, oh my God, you're in your luteal phase or you're bleeding or whatever it might be. It's just like that patience we can have, that grace we can have. It's the biggest lesson really.
Dayna (26:45)
You
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure. even, yeah, as like, as you were speaking then, I was thinking about, often get my words jumbled when I'm in like certain phases and I'm like teaching and I just, it's like, I'm sorry, I'm pre-menstrual brain today, you know? And it just, yeah, it gives you that space to just be a bit more human, you know?
Lauren (27:20)
And to show our clients that we're not perfect just because we studied this or we're certified, so now we're living perfectly. It's like, no, our brains are still going to go out the window, especially in this pregnancy. That's a whole other world where I'm definitely feeling like I'm just in my luteal phase some days where I'm just like, what are we doing? Where are we? Like that brain. Being able to show that to our clients and to be able to put words to it to explain like, this is where I am and you know, I'm not apologizing for it, just need to tell you and they can learn to start doing the same for themselves. It's wonderful.
I'm wondering if we can talk a bit about your trauma-informed lens that you mentioned on your website and I've seen just in the work that you post. I think you kind of alluded to it at the start. But what's your story there with grief and how is that kind of weaving into the work that you do?
Dayna (28:11)
Yeah.
So my story is a very tragic one, which I do want to just give a little trigger warning around violence. So if anybody wants to skip ahead. ⁓
Lauren (28:31)
Yeah, we'll put a little warning at the top of the episode too.
Dayna (28:34)
Yeah, okay.
So when I was 21, yeah, when I was 21, I lost my younger brother to a violent attack and his life was taken. He was only 17 at the time and it was, it was horrific and traumatic. So that was the first time I've experienced a big loss.
Through something like from someone that I love so dearly and it meant that I ended up with PTSD because it was so violent that yeah my body just ended up becoming completely traumatized. So as I was saying at the start of the podcast I think a lot of my work was me just trying to survive and trying to survive that incident basically and learning just more about my body and what my body needs and how I need to take care of myself so I can live with trauma but manage it because I went through so much of my life not managing it and actually sort of sabotaging a lot of my early like 20s. I would say I've been doing this work for over a decade but I've also been like surviving as well.
I feel like my trauma informed lens is through the way that I've lived my life and the way that I've survived. I did also do an amazing course actually by the School of Radical Healing and that was learning more about trauma informed approaches as a practitioner.
I think I would say a lot of it is through just my lived experience, actually, and just surviving that incident that I went through. And then also losing my dad a couple of years ago as well, which is another, it just sort of compounded on top of the grief that I have already experienced and I'm already feeling. And then I realized that actually as I continue life, this is what's going to happen now.
Dayna (30:29)
It is really important that I do take care of myself and I do understand and I think I'm in a really good place with it actually now and I'm really yeah I'm supported and I have so many tools in my toolbox to take care of myself so yeah.
Lauren (30:39)
Mm-hmm.
⁓ What's your favorite
tool? Like what's the one that you keep coming back to the most?
Dayna (30:56)
So many. I'm gonna say menstrual cycle awareness. It is cycle awareness for me. I think that and pole dancing combined. They're the two that I always come back to. Pole is just, it feels like complete freedom for me. It's like a time when I'm, I don't really have to think I'm completely in my body. I'm in a flow.
Lauren (30:58)
Mmm.
Dayna (31:19)
I'm either learning something new, I'm either attempting a trick that I know and love, and it just feels really good to move in that way. I'm either holding space for other people, whether that's through my workshops or through my classes, which is really fulfilling, or I'm just having fun, you know? So that's pole. And then with cycle awareness, I think...
I always come back to it because it has just become an anchor now for me. I need to know where I am in my cycle because I'm so connected to what that means for me mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. So I don't like to be disconnected from myself. I've just not disconnected from it anymore. I connect with it. I think without even realising sometimes, sometimes I...have like little rituals that I do. I just constantly like acknowledging it and like I said before, the awareness piece is huge for me, just having the awareness that it's like there and can anchor me into any moment if I need it.
Lauren (32:21)
Yeah, what a beautiful relationship to have is the one with our physical body is right to get us through. As you said, the inevitable ups and downs of life, you know, you're like, we're in it now. It's things are going to come up and they're just such beautiful tools and gifts to have in your arsenal to like drop back in and to take care of yourself.
Dayna (32:27)
Yeah, and I think the experience of...
Going through something like that so young, I've...
Dayna (32:47)
I wouldn't want to go through that at any point in my life, but I think because it has been so long now, that it's just been like present and there for me. It's made me a better practitioner. It's made me a better massage therapist. It's made me a better pole teacher because I understand safety. Like I think safety was like a big one for me.
Lauren (33:09)
Mm-hmm.
Dayna (33:12)
Being diagnosed with PTSD and understanding like how that showed up for me and what that meant. it was just like, I didn't feel safe for like the longest time. So now I feel safer and I'm able to provide that for other people.
So when, for example, when a massage therapist client comes in, I can see things that I recognise. Obviously not everybody that comes to me is diagnosed with PTSD, but you know, there's like so many things that we all deal with every day. So I see clients come in and it's almost like I just know what they need. You know, I offer them a consultation form and we sit and we talk and discuss because I'm trained as a holistic massage therapist, so we look at the person as a whole. But a lot of it feels intuitive because I recognise sometimes myself in them and what I perhaps couldn't get or what I wasn't able to access when I was younger. And I think to myself, who did I need when I was younger? What did I need when I was that 21-year-old that had just been diagnosed?
That's the practitioner and that's the person that I want to become, the person I didn't have. yeah, think it's like all of my work is based around that tragic event. And obviously I'd love to have my brother here and never go through that again. But I feel like if something comes out of it, it's just the fact that I've been able to offer myself to others and create safety,
Lauren (34:18)
Yeah.
Dayna (34:37)
healing and a space, like a soft landing
Lauren (34:41)
It's such a superpower to have as well to be so intuitive as you said from your own past and your own story, to be able to see someone come into your space and just maybe they aren't even aware of what's happening in their body and you can read that from them. Has your grief changed over the last 10 plus years?
Dayna (34:56)
Yeah.
Hmm.
I would say I'm no longer scared of my grief. So when my brother first passed away, because it was so violent, I was so scared. was scared of everyone and everything. Like I didn't even want to leave my house. Because I didn't know that was possible. You you watch true crime or you hear news articles and you just think, that would never happen to me. And then it happens and suddenly everything changes and the world.
Lauren (35:03)
Hmm.
Dayna (35:28)
Just became so cold and so dark and so violent. So I was just scared and I was also scared of feeling my emotions because it was so heavy and it felt so big. I just, didn't know what it meant. I was like, what does this mean? Now that that's happened to somebody that I love, I've never had to deal with the justice system before.
We had to deal with media and stories that were made up about him. It was just awful. So I didn't know how to feel and didn't know how to process anything. And over the course of the 16 years, I've learned how to feel my emotions.
feel my grief, be able to sit with it, be able to hold it and just yeah not run away from it now I just let it come and yeah I let it come and I let it move through me and I trust myself and I know that I have my own back but also I know that I'm supported which is I think when I was younger I didn't because I didn't understand what I needed and I didn't understand what I was going through.
I didn't know how to get support, so I felt completely alone and I turned to alcohol and drugs. Whereas now I don't turn to alcohol and drugs, I turn to my therapist or my friends or my whole community and not necessarily to hold my grief, but to, you know, like I'll go to my whole community to find joy. I'll go to my therapist to offload my grief. I'll go to my friends to maybe do a bit of both.
Dayna (36:56)
And then I'll go to my toolbox of my healing of like, yeah, going to the sauna or meditating or journaling, all of these things just help me in the ways that I need.
Lauren (37:07)
Hmm, yeah, to be held by others, even if they're not actively, not fixing is not the right word, but if they're not actively like discussing your grief, just sometimes being in that community space is so transform transformative.
Dayna (37:23)
Yeah,
I think I didn't realise that I always thought that I needed people to understand my grief and understand the pain that I was in and if they don't understand it, they don't know me. But I've learnt that actually, I don't always have to show up as the pain and the grief and I can show up as Dayna and that's fine and they will love me either way, which has been really helpful to understand as well.
Lauren (37:42)
Hmm, yeah, that's beautiful. What was his name, if you don't mind me asking?
Dayna (37:49)
His name was Chevon, so we called him Chev.
Lauren (37:52)
Hmm, what was your favorite thing about him?
Dayna (37:55)
His dimples. He had dimples and they were so cute. So his dimples but also just his like he was we were very similar. He was quite shy and he was quite...
not timid, was like, he had like a quiet confidence about him, you know, he didn't, he didn't have to like take up all the space and be the loudest in the room. But he was like, he kind of knew he was there. But he was like, quiet and calm and just a little bit shy, which is very cute. And like loved his music. Yeah, we were very similar in that way.
Lauren (38:25)
He sounds like a wonderful person. What do think you would think of your business now and like just everything you've got in your business, like just your life, like everything you've done, just your sister?
Dayna (38:37)
I think he would be proud of me. I think he would be.
Lauren (38:38)
No.
Dayna (38:40)
Yeah, I think he would support me and he would probably ask me for free massages. Yeah. And there's a part of me that feels like he would probably ask me to teach him how to pole dance as well. He was very active and strong and he took care of himself physically as well. So he was 17 when he died and he was like...
Lauren (38:44)
Like any brother would, yeah.
Dayna (39:06)
Just starting to go to the gym and like starting to take care about his appearance in that way. And he was, he had weights in his bedroom. So, and he was quite buff, you know, he was strong. had muscles and I, feel like, yeah, I remember when we younger, we used to climb a lot. We'd climb trees in our back garden. We had this like shed thing that we'd climb on and jump off of. So like we were always really active together. And I feel like Dayna I could just see us doing that together, you know, like me teaching him how to do a handspring or something.
Lauren (39:37)
Sounds like he's like so woven into like, well, he is woven into the fabric of everything you've created because he's the reason for it all, right? Thank you for sharing. Yeah.
Dayna (39:44)
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
Thank you. Thank you for asking. feel like those types of questions are avoided quite often. think people fear asking out of fear that they will upset someone. But actually, it's been really nice to be able to just speak about him and think about these things because I do think about them sometimes, but I don't ever get to talk about them and express how he thought about my work. Yeah, thank you for asking.
Lauren (40:12)
Yeah, I think that's the best way we can remember and honor those that we've lost is just like keeping them a part of our lives. And I think that's can be the scary part about grief. Sometimes there's like so like you're feeling so much that I think sometimes it's easier to disconnect from the body and shut everything down versus like if you don't meet that like pain and that grief, then you also don't get to have the joy of like, they would find this really funny. Or they would like.
Dayna (40:37)
Yeah.
Lauren (40:38)
They would want to be a part of my business in this way, or they would just like cheer me on in this way, or if it's a brother, they would probably make fun of me in this way. You know, tease me for doing this. If he was anything like my brother's, it's just he'd be like, pole dancing? I don't want to see that.
Dayna (40:47)
Yeah. ⁓
Lauren (40:56)
Don't look
So what's next for you in this business? Who are you hoping to attract? What impact are you hoping to leave with this gorgeous work that you're doing?
Dayna (41:10)
I feel like I just want to going and growing. I think I only have myself to rely on, you
I work full time. do my, I teach my classes part time and massage is also part time. So I feel like I'm juggling a lot of things and I have to really take care of myself in order to facilitate for others and to be present and to be a good facilitator for others. So with that in mind, I know that the growth will be slow but I think I'm okay with that and I think as long as I'm moving in a direction, yeah, as long as I'm moving in a direction, I'll be happy. And I think I'm going to keep going with the workshops. bring me so much joy. I also want to keep going with the massage therapy and I would love to expand that one day and be able to work more as a massage therapist. And I think, yeah, I think I just want to attract people who...
menstruate, so that's anybody, anyone who has a menstrual cycle is welcome to work with me and I think anybody who's open to this work as well because I know not everybody is there yet so that's why I just want to keep going with it because I think I remember when I first heard the word cyclical it was probably five maybe six years before.
Lauren (42:15)
Hmm.
Dayna (42:32)
I learned about menstrual cycle awareness. And I remember rolling my eyes when I heard that word. But so I saw it on Instagram and I rolled my eyes, but I also saved the post or I followed the page at the same time. And I think a part of me was like, I want I'm not ready for this. But the other part of me was like, I know this is coming. And I know that I will be ready at one point at some point. So I'm also there for those people as well. You know, I'm like, I will be there when they're ready. But I just, yeah, think pole dancers obviously, I'm open to like pole dancers, but also people who don't pole dance. think I want to expand into workshops for people who don't pole dance and are just cyclical and they want to learn more about their cyclical nature. And also, I'm a person of colour and I think for me as well, like what I saying about safety and the world that we live in and the rise of fascism. I just want to hold everyone close, you know, and just create spaces where we can, exhale and have a couple hours away from all of that, you know. But yeah, mainly anyone who has a menstrual cycle and is open to work can open to learning more about themselves and bodies for sure.
Lauren (43:49)
Yeah, I really resonate with that and resonate with what you're saying about that slow growth. I think it can be hard sometimes, especially in like, this is still like very new industry as much as like we hear a lot about it. And so really like seeing you in that season, because I feel that so deeply, where it's just like, you want it to like explode, or I don't really want it to explode, but you know, whatever. But the like slowness of like slowly pulling people into your web and being like, okay, this is what we're gonna learn, this is what we're gonna expand into, and just inviting, as you said, everyone with a menstrual cycle, but also everyone who doesn't have a menstrual cycle, because I've encountered many men who are like, this sounds really nice. Come on down, you can join us.
Dayna (44:27)
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
The work is for, it is for everyone, so it's really hard to, it's really hard to sort of articulate who it's for, but I feel like my work is, yeah, is for anybody. That's why I think I say anyone who's open to it, you know, and anybody who may not be yet.
Lauren (44:43)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
What do you hope people feel when they hear your story or hear about your business? What are you hoping will land most?
Dayna (44:55)
I feel like it's important for me to talk about my brother and his story and the way that he died and how it affected me because I want people to understand that I still deal with that every day. I still live with trauma. I still live with PTSD, but I manage it and these are the ways in which I manage it and I'm not having perfect periods and cycles. not having my existence isn't just like wrapped up in like a perfect little boat. It's like I've been through some real adversity and I've had to like dig and claw my way to get to where I am today. And I think I want people to just feel that it is possible because I think back then I didn't have very many people to turn to.
I didn't know anyone that was going through what I was going through. Social media just wasn't as popular. I wasn't really as big back then. So there were a few people online that I could follow, but they just, they didn't seem very relatable. And I think I just needed someone like me who was like, well, this is life has happened and it's been really hard, but you can get, you can get yourself to more like balance place. I would say I find more balance in my life now but it's far from perfect. But yeah I think maybe hope. Hope? Is that what I'm trying to say? It's like hope if you're going through something and there is like hope that you can get through it you know.
Lauren (46:13)
Mm.
And just a yeah, beautiful, hopeful image of, as you said, like life, it's moving through life and existing and showing up and continuing to like drop back into your body and being a beautiful example of that, like no one is perfect. Like even if they put that image out onto social media, whatever. And so think it's just like so beautifully approachable and yeah.
Dayna (46:26)
Yeah, for sure.
Lauren (46:42)
a matter of time before more and more people find you. And I hope they do. Before we wrap up, I'd love to ask you one more question, which is what book are you reading right now? Or what book have you read recently?
Dayna (46:54)
Do you know what I'm reading actually? I've been meaning to for a really long time but I just never have. Women who run with wolves? Yeah, it's been on my list for a long time and I actually went to a friend's house recently and it was on her bookshelf and I mentioned it. She's like, I'll just take it, I'm not reading it. So it's quite thick and I don't read often.
Lauren (47:00)
Yeah.
yeah, good one.
You
Dayna (47:20)
It will probably take me a while, but I've decided it's my summer book. So I've only just started reading it, literally like a few pages in. But yes, Women Who Run With Wolves. That's what I'm reading at the moment. Have you read it?
Lauren (47:23)
Hmm.
Mm, that sounds amazing.
I haven't read it in its entirety because it is chunky. It's one those ones I feel like, and especially, yeah, with like books like that, I do like to like pick them up and then like place them down and then come back when I can like have more capacity. You know, I feel like you kind of grow with them a little bit.
Dayna (47:36)
Yes!
Yeah, I think so. I think that might be the case with this one, but I'm looking forward to it. And there's like so many amazing reviews.
Lauren (47:57)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's a wonderful, wonderful book. Well, thank you so much for carving out time to chat with us. And ⁓ yeah, if yeah, we'll include some information at the end to where they can find you and we'll have show notes and all that wonderful stuff. Yeah, of course,
Dayna (48:04)
Thank you.
Amazing. Thank you for having me.
Lauren Olivia Hughes (49:12)
Thank you so much. Thanks for listening to this episode of the Cycle Coach Show. If you loved what you heard, then please review, share and subscribe to help us reach more cyclical listeners like you. You can find us on Instagram at @cyclecoachschool or online at cyclecoachtraining.com.
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